Dear Livejournal,

Sex. No, seriously. Sex. Sexsexsexsexsex. Motherfuckin' sex. Lots of it. I've had sex in some pretty amazing places. With guys. With girls. Sex on the floor, sex on the beach, sex up against the wall. Sex high, sex down low, fucking my brains out when yes and no might have been two very similar things. Naked, hot and sweaty, screwing one another until names have been forgotten sex.

And if I had a brother, a cute, older, or hey, maybe barely even legal brother, with fine abs and an ass that wouldn't stop, hell, I might have even banged him, too. I'm not ashamed.

Sex. Consensual and implied. Sex in person or not. Over the phone sex, over the internet sex, in both the front and backseats of cars sex! Sex with people of power or in positions of authority. Sex when we probably should have known better. Sex in bathrooms, in busy clubs, on couches covered in baddirtywrong fluids, the less said the better!

So yeah, Livejournal. Sex! Inappropriate, nasty, sometimes immoral, with more than one partner, someone's tongue in my ass, my finger in theirs, with my stockings STILL ON SEX. Because being inappropriate is my god-damned RIGHT sex. Because knowing the difference between reality and fantasy makes the rest of us smarter than you SEX. Because I’d probably fuck you with a dildo for being such stupid cocksucking dickheads about this SEX. Because now you’ve gone and offended me sex.

So yeah. Sex, Livejournal. SEX.

Dear Impatient Guy Behind Me At The Store,

Why are you behind me? Grumbling? With three items in your hand? Why are you behind me, when you should be in the 10 Items or Less lane. Which is, by the fucking by, just one aisle to your right. Empty. Because dildos like you have to stand in the regular lines and pretend it's a big inconvenience on your all-important lives to wait behind the rest of us.

Do me a favor, use the Express Lane, so I'm not tempted to turn around and stab you in the carotid. Never underestimate my love for manslaughter and arterial spray.

Hugs and fucking kisses,

- Me

Also, see icon.

Rampant fucking stupidity is the first reason I run so far away from the Internet. I don't expect everyone to be intelligent on any particular subject or sophisticated and articulate in expressing their world-view, but I do expect people not to be such vacuous knobs.