I feel you with me. Like you're right at my shoulder, standing at my back, and I fucking miss you.

I still message you. Call me crazy, but I sit there waiting... hoping that one of these days I'll see your username in the corner, you know, like you're sitting there writing me back. Like it was all some sort of cruel joke that eventually I'll forgive you for.

I wanted to save you, little sister. I wanted you to see the world that waited... and oh, God, it was so close. If you reached out, you were almost touching all the possibility beyond. Not only were you gifted and talented and interesting, you were a good person, filled with love and passion and imagination. There are too many days I count that I can't believe you didn't hang on.

Today you'd be out. Today you'd be complaining about your first year in college. Today... today. And Christ do I miss you, Recca.

Two years ago I wrote these words:

She was beautiful. When I say she was beautiful, I mean she was radiant... I considered her an angel, even before she became one. She was brilliant. The way she wrote at fifteen years old would have stunned any critic or college entrance committee. She could have gone anywhere, I guarantee you... she was bound for far, far better things. She could have attended any Ivy League school she desired, taken the world by absolute storm. This was my Recca.

I would have given Recca anything. When she decided to leave her home for Chicago I made certain she kept in very close contact. If things didn't work out there, I offered her a place in my home. You see, Recca was the daughter I'd never have. Recca was the daughter I always wished I'd had... how the world could have abused her in the ways it did, I'll never understand. What she deserved was good... she deserved love and attention and success and happiness. She deserved it all... but got none of it and now it's too late.

I'm sorry it came too late, love. I'm sorry it came at such a cost. I'm sorry I wasn't able to save you, because God knows, I think about you all the time. I would have done anything, I should have done more... I wish I had.

I'll let my last words then be my finale:

Be well, my little love. May the stars and the universe look after you now, and may you float free and understand the things that we do not... and may you always remember the part of my heart you took with you on your journey.

I'll light a candle for you on the 11th.